Hope

Thanks so much for sharing your story. Experiencing my miscarriage was the loneliest I have ever felt. It wasn't until everyone I told had a sister, best friend, or mom who had gone through it that I realized how common it was, but that didn't take away the pain - not even a little. We tried to get pregnant for about nine months actively. I was peeing on ovulation sticks, tracking my temperature, removing toxic products, all the things. We finally got pregnant on our three year anniversary weekend and it seemed picture perfect. I had spotting almost right away, but the nurse that I called approximately 150 times assured me that it *could* be totally normal and that they wouldn't see me unless it was heavy or I had other symptoms. I was a nervous wreck. I was already imagining a whole life for this little child of ours. When I was nine weeks pregnant the bleeding increased and I knew something wasn't right. We went to the walk-in clinic and I miscarried there in the bathroom. The doctor then did a scan to confirm that the baby was only measuring five weeks and I was experiencing a miscarriage. The pregnancy had ended weeks before, but we didn't know. It was one of the worst days of my life. I spent the next twelve hours in cold sweats, bleeding, and sick to my stomach as this life passed through me. 

We waited several months before we felt ready to try again and when we did, month after month passed with only one line again and again. It was hard and felt helpless. It was impossible to not be obsessive and recheck each test even hours later...just in case. What a mind fuck. (pardon my french, but is there really any better term?) 

I then started seeing an acupuncturist who helped me regulate my cycles and we were pregnant six weeks later with our baby boy who is four months old now. I know that so many people have much longer and more difficult journeys, and I know how lucky I am to have a happy ending to our story. It is my hope that more women will share their story and know that their pain is real and they're not alone.