Hard Pregnancy
I felt compelled to write this post. It is not my intent to write this to throw myself a pity party, but instead to tell women that they are not alone, if they are currently going through this or have with past pregnancies. Having a baby is the most beautiful blessing in the world, but please do not feel isolated or guilty if you do not enjoy your pregnancy. With my previous pregnancy, I did not understand why I was not able to enjoy my pregnancy. It is supposed to be a beautiful time, but for me it was a season that I wanted to sleep away. I often compared both of my pregnancies to others and it got me down so bad. I constantly asked myself and others, “Why can’t this be a joyous time for me?” I would ask others if they experienced something and when their answer was no, it shot me down even more. I had bad morning sickness with Caroline and hyperemesis gravidarum with Grant. I had a much smoother pregnancy with Caroline after I reached 17 weeks until I delivered her at 32 weeks with preeclamsia that turned into HELLP syndrome. With Grant it was much worse. I was stuck in the bed the majority of my pregnancy. I missed out on many events, which included many of my best friends pre-wedding festivities and some things for Caroline. It hurt me so much. I was not the mother, wife or friend that I knew I was. For the last two months of my pregnancy, the only places I went were the bed, the bathroom, and to the doctor’s office. It was such a dark time. I delivered Grant early for preeclampsia as well, which was so hard for me, but I was thankful for the relief. I felt really bad for feeling that way at first, but I am thankful that he was ok. My body just could not handle it anymore.
I have been wanting to write this for so long, but I did not want it to seem like I was ungrateful. I know so many woman suffer with infertility and I did not want to complain about my pregnancy when so many women would love to just see those two pink lines. The purpose of this post is for women who are not enjoying their pregnancy to know that you are not alone. It is ok to not be ok. It is ok to not enjoy your pregnancy. We all have our own challenges when pregnant. I would have needed to read something like this when I was pregnant, so this is for the women who need to hear, you are not in this alone. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, which is the blessing of a sweet baby. If anyone needs someone to talk to, please reach out to me. I would love to be there for you. We are all this together!
Melissa Gillespie
